Lesbian Middlebury College Student Deeply Displeased by the Existence of Happy Heterosexual Classmates

As I continue my ever so rigorously scientific study (which consists of random, languid bouts of goggling such phrases as “liberal arts” and “student newspapers” when I have a few minutes free) of the state of wokeness on American college campuses, I am struck by how grumpy so many woke people are. Even when they are comfortably situated in the friendliest possible environments for the wacko left (think almost every liberal arts college in the country), they nevertheless feel aggrieved and put upon.

Take this article in the campus newspaper of Middlebury College, for example. It is entitled, “Hookup culture and heteronormativity: Reflections from a gay athlete” and the gist of it is that its author is exceedingly annoyed at the fact that not everyone at Middlebury is on board with her desire that every waking moment of every human life be spent on thinking about homosexuality and that everyone around her validate her lifestyle.

You would think that a young person who is about to graduate from one of the most prestigious and expensive private colleges on the planet would have no particular reason to feel oppressed. Silly you. The whole point of attending Middlebury College is to master the art of grievance politics and to learn how to condemn happy, well-adjusted heterosexuals for not structuring their lives around the project of appeasing those who regard perfectly normal behavior among young people of the opposite sex as, “aggressively heteronormative.”

That is, she seems to be perilously close to entering the realm of relative contentment by being among only other women when—horrors!! —this happens:

I did feel like I belonged. Inevitably, though, the entire mood would shift. The boys’ team would enter and suddenly, I was on the outside looking in — standing and watching as everyone else chatted and flirted and danced…

Chatting! Flirting! Dancing! How can those young men and women be so heartless, so callous, so aggressively heteronormative as to not realize that such frivolity is making our writer feel bad? They should discipline themselves better. Better yet, the university should investigate this sort of thing with a view to banning it outright.

She goes on plaintively to express bewilderment that men and women often enjoy doing things like, oh let’s say, spending time with other and falling in love while in college:

We know that many of the social spaces at this school leave people feeling left out or uncomfortable. So why has it been so hard to make a change?

It is probably hard to make a change because even the most woke heterosexual might balk at the implementation of an anti-flirting policy at Middlebury.

And yet this wettest of wet blankets is not deterred. Any expressions of attraction and romantic feeling between people of the opposite sex must be crushed forthwith at Middlebury College! This appalling state of affairs (the writer calls it a “hypersexual dynamic”) simply will not do!! She concludes rousingly:

The truth is that there is nothing holding us back from reshaping the way we interact. But we need to listen to the voices of people who are struggling and we need to understand that even if we feel like we belong, someone else may feel unwelcome. Tradition is not unshakeable, and adhering to it is not always the right thing to do, especially when it comes at the expense of inclusivity.

I rather think that most lesbians are not as intolerant as this undergraduate is of quite banal and commonplace social interactions among heterosexuals. Maybe they could tell her to lighten up. Joy crushing is bad for the lesbian brand.

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